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                            <p><img src="https://pic.qqtn.com/up/2018-4/15247109592663846.jpg" alt="推迟数月姗姗来迟，，，，，苹果版花呗Apple Pay Later在美上线">&#20061;&#33394;&#22312;&#32447;,   <p>　　第一次深度 自我探索：构建稳固的自我统一性</p><p>　　著名心理学家埃里克森提出，，，，，青少年晚期至成年早期的焦点生长使命是建设“自我统一性”，，，，，即对“我是谁”“我将走向何方”等问题的探索。。高中阶段，，，，，谜底往往由外界提供，，，，，并且许多时间会与效果挂钩，，，，，大学阶段则要求自己去寻找谜底。。</p><p>　　许多新生入学后突然陷入渺茫：选什么课？？加入什么社团？？未来要考研照往事情？？这些渺茫的背后，，，，，着实是自我认知的疑心。。心理学研究批注，，，，，大学时代能够完成自我统一性探索的学生，，，，，体现出更高的决议能力，，，，，能够更早坚定人生目的，，，，，并最终取得更大的成绩。。</p><p>　　那么，，，，，怎样举行“统一性”的自我探索呢？？建议实验“三栏法”：第一栏列出自己真正感兴趣的事物；；；；；；第二栏纪录自己善于的事情；；；；；；第三栏写下自己看重的价值，，，，，好比自由、创立、相助等。。寻找三栏之间的交集，，，，，那可能就是你的优势所在。。同时，，，，，也不要太过于着急，，，，，许多同砚可能短期内未必有清晰的谜底，，，，，事实上，，，，，大部分同砚都会有“心理延脱期”，，，，，即延迟给出谜底。。对此，，，，，可以通过实验差别角色和种种可能性来寻找真正适合自己的蹊径。。加入种种社团、选修跨学科课程、与差别配景的同砚交流，，，，，都是探索的途径。。自我探索不是一蹴而就的，，，，，要允许自己有一准时间内的渺茫和试错，，，，，这恰恰是生长的须要历程。。</p><p>　　<strong>第一次建设成人式人际关系：从依赖到互惠</strong></p><p>　　高中的人际关系相对简朴，，，，，多以家庭和班级为中心，，，，，带有一定的被动性。。大学则是社会的微缩版，，，，，需要自动构建属于自己的社交网络。。心理学研究发明，，，，，康健的人际关系是大学生心理顺应最主要的；；；；；；ひ蛩亍！Ｏ喾，，，，，不良的人际关系，，，，，是大学生涯充满波折和陷入逆境最常见、也是最大的危害因素之一。。</p><p>　　成人式人际关系的焦点是“互惠”而非“依赖”。。这意味着要熟悉到每小我私家都有自己的界线和需求，，，，，来往是相互尊重和支持的历程。。许多大学新生面临宿舍矛盾、小组相助冲突等问题，，，，，实质上都是界线意识缺乏导致的。。</p><p>　　怎样建设成人式人际关系？？首先，，，，，需要有意识地举行“去自我中心化”训练，，，，，实验真正明确他人的情绪和态度。。要明确，，，，，他人的看法、需求和感受与你自己的一样主要，，，，，纵然它们有所差别。。其次，，，，，学会“非暴力相同”，，，，，遇到不开心、不惬意的情形，，，，，多表达感受而不要盲目指责。。最后，，，，，在整体中平衡“我”与“我们”，，，，，自力性和融入整体并不矛盾，，，，，在整体活动中，，，，，自动思索“我可以做什么”，，，，，而不是被动加入。。要学会给予和追求资助，，，，，创立与同砚深度对话的时机，，，，，尽快找到“我们是一个配合体”的感受。。</p><p>　　<strong>第一次实践自我调理：从外部监视到内部驱动</strong></p><p>　　高中生涯有明确的时间表和外部监视，，，，，大学则更需要自我治理能力，，，，，这种自我调理能力是需要在大学时代刻意作育的。。</p><p>　　拖延症、熬夜、手机成瘾……这些常见问题背后，，，，，往往是自我调理能力缺乏的体现。。提升自我调理能力，，，，，可以实验以下战略。。首先，，，，，实验“意图执行”，，，，，不但设定目的，，，，，还明确详细情境。。好比，，，，，设定“我要天天背单词”的目的，，，，，并划定“天天早餐后8点，，，，，在图书馆背30个单词”。。其次，，，，，建设“允许机制”，，，，，与同砚相互监视，，，，，或者预先设定自我奖励机制。。再次，，，，，训练“情绪调理”，，，，，当感应焦虑或压力时，，，，，不要连忙逃避性地刷手机，，，，，接纳磨炼等越发康健的方法处置惩罚。。</p><p>　　自我调理不是自我压制，，，，，而是协调目今欲望与恒久目的的能力。。对无意的失控，，，，，不需要太过自责，，，，，可以将其视为相识自己的时机——什么样的情境容易让你情绪失控？？怎样阻止或有用应对这些情境？？</p><p>　　大学四年是心理社会性延脱期，，，，，社会允许大学生暂时不完全肩负成人责任，，，，，而用于自我探索和生长。。珍惜这个阶段，，，，，有意识地举行自我探索、人际关系建设和自我调理能力作育，，，，，不但能资助自己更好地完成学业，，，，，更能为整小我私家生打下坚实的心理基础。。</p><p>　　(陈武 作者系武汉大学生长与教育心理研究所副教授)</p></p>
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